The Joys of Airport Security

We would like to thank Orville and Wilbur Wright for the joys of flying, but note that the shoe bomber spoiled it a little.

Airport security can be fun, if you make it so. We have experienced the TSA first hand. The pun is intended.

At San Francisco Airport I chose to admit my issues and not cover them. You see, I wear a leg brace and have for years. Some people just think I shun shorts for other reasons like the way my legs look. This is also true.

At SFO I just announced to the officer that, while I had put all of my earthly belongings in the gray tray, I was still wearing metal on my leg.

“Male officer!” she shouted. While this disappointed me a little, the young man only took about five minutes to touch most of my person. I will take any fondling I can get.

I say “only” five minutes because it can be longer depending on how late we are to catch a plane. The later we are the longer it takes. 

Next it was at Los Angeles and the security process for Alitalia took longer as they swabbed my brace for explosives and had to wait for the test results. In full sight of all and with my pant leg rolled up to my thigh, the man in blue took what looked like a baby-wipe and rubbed my brace. He then put the wipe into a machine. After a minute or so he read a screen and allowed me to pull down my pant leg and put on the rest of my clothes.

I try not to forget my shoes, belt, sport coat, pen, coins and carry-on bag which have been x-rayed.

Getting on a flight in Verona, Italy was easier as we did not have to take off our shoes. Still I got gently caressed as I stood with arms outstretched like a whopping crane.

I realize that I could remove the brace briefly for the security procedure, but I believe that it will help things to tell folks straight out, submit and move on. Besides, when it is separate in the tub it looks far more mysterious even ominous.

I was not ready for Charles De Gaulle airport in Paris. Nothing happened.

They escorted us from one plane and delivered us to the Air France Terminal without stopping. Security counted my experience in Verona as enough and we never officially went through another screening. It was second-rate, as I was prepared for a Parisian pat-down..

My spouse, who breezes through and has to wait for me to be wanded, patted and interviewed, seems to think this is amusing. She does, however, have the responsibility to watch over my clothes and bags while I am being searched.

Now, this inconvenience is not great and it does make me feel a little more secure on the planes. If they are careful with me then they will be careful about others.

However, a couple of years ago Heathrow security missed the Swiss Army knife inadvertently left in my carry on. It bothered me after I found out. Just think, someone with an exploding leg brace could have been on that flight.